I was hoping posting about the break-up between my ex-boyfriend and me would help make me feel somewhat better. Help me heal my wounds. But honestly, I don't ever want to love again. I don't know how anyone can deal with this pain. It's gotten to the point where I just can't bear it anymore. I've been through this so many many times and it just get's harder with each new relationship. How do you girls go through it? How do you pass each day with a smile on your face when your heart is broken? Sometimes I wonder how I can even pass the time and pretend that everything is all right. When really, deep down, nothing is ever the same.
I've come to the conclusion that this guy had my whole heart. I'd given him my heart and now I refuse to take it back. I don't want it back. Not if it causes me pain and frustration. Besides, I've always been told I'm strong. I thought I could handle anything. But I can't. So I'm doing what so many of us girls say when are hearts are broke. I'm giving up on love. I'm giving up on relationships. I'm giving up on the hope that I'd find someone who I would marry. I'm giving up on this pain, because I don't want to do it anymore.
I thought that I'd marry him someday. Which may sound silly but at the time, it honestly didn't. If I say honestly, one more time. I think I might pull my hair out. But it's true. I thought I'd marry him. But I guess I was wrong about him and everything I though he was. So yeah, this is what I'm going through right now. And apparently, it's killing me.